Not Okay
by purpleushi
Summary: It's not jealousy, but seeing Sam with that guy…  It just awoke feelings in Dean he didn't know he had.  -warning: wincest-


_A/N: First ever wincest fic! Hopefully in character, but I've never written these boys before so don't be too harsh. Also, I suck at tenses. I changed the tense about twelve times while writing, but I can't guarantee that I got them all. Unbeta'd._

_Disclaimer: Don't own. Wish I did. J2 are yummy._

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><p>Sam has known for about seventeen years.<p>

Dean has known for about seventeen minutes.

And now he's sitting on the edge of the bathtub starting straight ahead into the darkness, trying to make sense of the thoughts racing through his head.

They had just rid a small town of a nasty demon infestation, and had gone to said town's only bar to partake in their usual form of celebration.

Dean had lost track of his brother at some point in the night and assumed he had gone home with that cute blonde who had been eyeing him since they showed up. Dean had smiled a bit, happy for his brother. He needed this, a way to blow off steam. They'd been on the road for too long, and they were both starting to suffer from the effects of long car drives and seemingly endless hunts.

Dean had ordered another beer and started making his way around the bar, looking for a score of his own. Within ten minutes he was leading a tiny, intoxicated brunette out to the Impala, where he managed to get a halfway decent blowjob before she puked out the window and passed out. He carried her back to the bar and pawned her off on the girls she had come with.

His celebratory mood had been effectively destroyed, so he headed back to the motel. He was surprised to see a beat up pick-up truck parked in front of their door, but thought nothing of it as he keyed into the room.

There was enough light streaming into the room from the streetlight outside that he didn't need to turn on the room light. He dropped his jacket and shoes by the door. A car drove by outside and the headlights illuminated the room entirely. That was when he saw that Sam was already in his bed.

Sam twisted a little in his sleep and the blanket slipped down to reveal a blond head resting on his chest. Dean's eyebrows raised approvingly. The blonde snuggled closer to Sam and the blanket slipped down further.

Dean's jaw dropped.

It wasn't a girl in bed with Sam, it was a _dude_. Dean was so shocked that he couldn't drag his eyes away. The blonde's muscled arm was draped around Sam's waist, and Sam's hand was loosely caressing the other man's well toned buttocks.

There was a bottle of lube and an opened box of condoms on the night sand, and Dean had to shut his eyes to try to sop the images that were flooding unbidden into his head. His attempts were unsuccessful, but he realized that it wasn't Sam and this kid he was picturing, but rather Sam and…_himself_.

He felt that familiar sensation blossoming in his jeans and it made him nauseous. He raced o the bathroom and vomited all the contents of his stomach into the toilet. When he could finally stand up, he stared at himself in the mirror, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

That was his _baby brother_ out there. What kind of sick creep would have perverse fantasies about their _sibling_?

Sure, he couldn't count how many times they'd been mistaken for a couple, but to actually think about having sex with Sammy? Was he finally cracking up? He'd always known there was only so much time before he would lose it completely. Was this it then? All of his emotional fuck ups finally coming to a head in one fell swoop?

He didn't know how he could face Sam after this. He couldn't go back out into the room. There was an inexplicable desire in his chest to beat the bloody pulp out of whoever the fuck that kid was.

He sat down on the edge of the tub, head in his hands.

He's still sitting there, fingers pressed into his temples and eyes screwed shut, when the door opens.

"Dean?"

He shoots up into a standing position.

"Sam!" he exclaims too loudly. "Uh…hi!"

Sam cocks an eyebrow at him. "Hi?" he frowns. "Are you alright?"

Dean nods furiously.

"Yep, 100%, a-okay, fantastic," he stares pointedly at a spot on the wall behind Sam after it registers that Same is completely naked in front of him. He shouldn't be having these thoughts about his little brother.

Sure, their relationship has never been what any outsider would call functional, but this was just too much. Sam would have him committed to a loony-bin if this ever came to light.

He realizes that Sam is staring at him expectantly and realizes he's missed a question.

"Sorry?"

Sam chuckles. "I asked if you're just going to stand there, or if you're going to bed, because I really have to take a piss."

Dean shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. "Yeah, no, sorry, going to sleep." He makes his way past Sam to the door and fumbles to push it open. He can almost hear Sam smirking behind him.

He doesn't go to sleep. Instead he bolts towards the door, studiously avoiding looking at the sleeping figure in Sam's bed. The cool night air calms him a bit and he sits down on the hood of the Impala, staring up at the stars.

Sure, Sam is an attractive man, there's no denying it, but this isn't even about that. When he thinks about it, it isn't that he's suddenly turned on by his brother, it's more that every fiber in his body hated seeing another man touch his Sammy like that. He's never been jealous before, When he sees Sam with hot girls, all he ever feels is happiness and occasionally pride. But this time it isn't like that. He can't really explain it, but somehow knowing Sam swung that way changed everything. If Sam could be with a man, he could be with Dean.

Dean snorts at that thought. Even with all his emotional damage he understands how twisted that logic is.

He leans back against the windshield, arms bent behind his head. He has almost drifted off to sleep when he hears a door shut. He looks up to see Sam standing in front of him wearing just a pair of jeans. His arms are crossed awkwardly and he is rocking on the balls of his feet.

"Hey," Dean says quietly.

"Hey."

"Who's the blonde?"

"Hm? Oh, uh, I think his name is Derek? Steve? I don't know."

Dean feels a startling sense of relief at Sam's nonchalance.

"Dean I—" Sam starts. "I didn't expect you to come back tonight. I wouldn't have—"

Dean shakes his head. "No worries, man. Glad you had a good night." He tries to sound cavalier.

Sam shrugs. "It wasn't that good."

Dean cocks an eyebrow. "You've had better?"

Sam reddens.

"Well, yeah," he admits, "But even those weren't that great. There's always something… missing."

Sam glances at the space next to Dean on the hood of the car. "May I?"

Dean nods, and Sam sits down next to him. He mirrors Dean's position, right leg bent, left leg outstretched.

"We're really not okay," Dean muses, eyes closed. He can feel Sam shake his head in agreement next to him.

"Sammy?" Dean turns to face his brother. Sam turns too in response and their faces are too close. Dean can feel Sam's slow breaths, warm in the cool air. "I think I'm going crazy."

"Eh, inevitable," Sam chuckles.

"No, Sam, I'm serious. I…" his eyes trail down Sam's torso.

And suddenly Sam's lips are on his, crushing them together in a tight embrace. Sam's hands grip the sides of his face pulling him in even closer, pouring every emotion he has into the bruising kiss. Dean slowly relaxes, and molds into Sam's embrace, their bodies fitting together perfectly.

Sam pulls back first, still keeping their bodies close.

"Dean," he breaths.

Deans arms wind themselves around Sam's torso, hands gripping his muscled shoulder blades.

"Dean, is this okay?" Sam asks, hands slipping down to the hem of Dean's tee shirt.

"No, Sam, nothing's okay," he smiles weakly.

Sam returns the sad smile, leaning his forehead against Dean's. "It will be, Dean, someday," Sam's voice cracks with raw emotion.

Dean kisses Sam again and helps him slide his shirt up over his head. Sam maneuvers so he's on top of Dean, kneeling with one knee in between Dean's legs and his hands on the windshield of the Impala. Dean's hands are on his sides. Sam leans down to kiss Dean again and the hands slide around to his back, finding their way under the band of his pants. Dean pulls him down so they are pressed flat against each other, flesh to flesh.

"Sam," Dean grunts between kisses. Sam moves his hips slightly, grinding into Dean, and Dean's breath hitches in his throat. "Jesus, Sammy," he groans, trying desperately to hold back his erection. When he fails, he feels Sam grin against his neck. Dean arches his back as Sam sucks at his collar bone and trails his lips down Dean's chest.

When Sam's mouth reaches the band of Dean's jeans, he pauses, looking up at Dean for permission. Dean nods, entangling his fingers in Sam's hair. Sam undoes the button and yanks down the zipper.

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><p>-end-<p> 


End file.
